The Top 10 In-Effective Habits of Smartphone Zombies

The side effects of extensive smartphone use is a term called the smartphone zombie. If you have suffered from three or more of these habits or symptoms, please go to a smartphone addiction counsellor as you are at risk of becoming a zombie—which is a terminal condition as you will be part the living dead.

1. In a crowded room you hear a beep and grab your smartphone in a nervous twitch. This is an early symptom of being a smartphone zombie, diagnosed as the Crackberry addiction.

2. You are constantly checking your smartphone for email wherever you go, even in meetings with real people. Another early warning sign, you will need to go to a life fear management session or get a medical marijuana prescription so you can calm down.

3. When your battery is dead you suffer from anxiety attacks, as people cannot reach you. This is another symptom of the Crackberry addiction; it is best that you not use the smartphone for 48 hours until the anxiety subsides.

4. You hide in a room and text with your friends. You forget how to communicate verbally with friends and family. This “zombie like trance” of non-verbal communication is a  clear sign that you lack any people skills and will lead to a dysfunctional state of mind.

5. When you misplace your smartphone you have a panic attack when you search your house or work looking for the smartphone. If you suffer from these panic attacks you better go see your doctor, as this is unhealthy as this may lead to other medical conditions.

6. Looking at your smartphone while walking and bumping into a person, mailbox or pole. In the UK due to the high number of zombie accidents on pedestrian walkways they plan to have padded poles on all sidewalks and in China they have smartphone lanes where people cannot stand still in.

7. Crossing the street while texting and not noticing it is a red light. This is one of the more dangerous habits as you may only do this once, except in NY where drivers are accustomed to people walking through red lights.

 8. You sleep with your smartphone in bed as it makes you feel secure. If you tend to have this phobia, you better go to the country or cottage and get some rehab and disconnect for a while. You better get a teddy bear to help with the withdrawal symptoms during your 60 day rehab.

9. Slowing down traffic at a traffic light while checking for a text or email message. You ever notice why a car is standing still at a stop light while its green. Now you know. This can be a cause of driver fury on the roads from these in-attentive drivers.

10. Texting while driving and causing a traffic accident by hitting the car in front of you. It has been estimated that 23% of all car accidents are caused by texting and driving. My guess repeat offenders in the future will have to disconnect their phone before the car can start, just like they do for drinking and driving.